I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
they're like a gay fantastic four
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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