the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
