My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
