Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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