having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
