so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
