you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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