Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
