Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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