She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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