so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
