I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
