3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
