her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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