I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
