What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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