I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
