the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
