I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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