I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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