Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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