sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
