Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
