watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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