haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
no you cant smoke seaweed
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
