none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
