there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
