so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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