That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i think im in europe. pls send help
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
