these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
