make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
