a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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