I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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