Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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