my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
