I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
