Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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