Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can't put those talents on a resume
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
