I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
