It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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