Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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