I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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