How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
