I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
