i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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