i would punch a child for taco bell
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
