You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
