This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
