okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
