i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
