i wish my penis had a tongue
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
