Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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