I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
